no time for blogging!?!

i know i haven't been very consistent in blogging over the summer like i said i would, but hopefully i will once school starts! sorry!

too busy to blog?

i have so many things and ideas that i want to blog about, but now that its summer things are moving faster, and they are usually all but forgotten by the time i hit the computer. not to mention that during the year only about a third of my blog post ideas actually made it on paper (well, virtual paper anyway), plus now that i have three blogs, my creativity is spread a bit thin.

The Newton Inquiry

i said i would find a way to get you my questions- and i did! go to "view my complete profile", scroll down to the bottom where it says "my blogs", and click on "The Newton Inquiry". or just follow this link http://questionsforburny.blogspot.com/. i typed them all back to back, so i didn't notice that they went off the page, so you'll have to click "older posts".

random trivia: i just noticed that all the post times are off sense i "live" in Australia.

"Beautiful Sound" Newsboys

Turn the page.

Can't turn the light out.

Every word, every line

Carries to my soul.

Dark letters on a page

Singing so loud.

Where did I go wrong

Not to hear You?

.

Eighteen years,

I guess it was all right.

I let You do the thinking,

I'd just bide my time.

Father to son

Sunday hand-me-down.

Where did I go wrong

Not to hear Your song?

.

It's a beautiful sound

Moving through the crowd.

Voices lifted up

On high for You.

.

It's a beautiful song.

We've only just begun to understand.

Rediscovering You.

.

To have found You, and still be looking for You,

It's "the soul's paradox of love.

"You fill my cup, I lift it up for more.

I won't stop now that I'm free.

I'll be chasing You

Like You chase me.

.

It's a beautiful sound

Moving through the crowd.

Voices lifted up

On high for You.

.

It's a beautiful song.

We've only just begun to understand.

Rediscovering You.

.

Oh, something so beautiful.

.

It's a beautiful sound

Moving through the crowd.

Voices lifted up

On high for You.

.

It's a beautiful song.

We've only just begun to understand.

Rediscovering You.

.

It's a beautiful sound

Moving through the crowd.

Voices lifted up

On high for You.

.

It's a beautiful song.

We've only just begun to understand.

Rediscovering You.

.

It's a beautiful sound

Moving through the crowd.

Voices lifted up

On high for You.

.

It's a beautiful song.

We've only just begun to understand.

Rediscovering You.

.

Something tells me it's all right.

You know it's gonna be all right.

humanity yearns for acceptance

i keep running into people that tell me I'm not afraid to be who i am, but they are wrong. just like every other person on this earth, i strive for acceptance, not by wearing name brand clothing, but by being different. i have a different way of thinking about things, so i learned early that fancy clothes and friends in high places wont get me anywhere, so i created my own action plan- and so far its working. i do hesitate to be myself, and just because my cover up story is different from everyone else's, doesn't mean its any truer. my "weirdness" is just another reality shield; nobody is truly "weird," Ive asked them. all the people i know that others consider to be strange have told me that they are that way on purpose, and i dint blame them- its a very safe place to be- despite what most people think, people dint make fun of us, a number of people actually admire the misfits. this is an international problem; a missionary i met from Ukraine told me that his niece asked him to buy her some fancy American tennis shoes while he was in the states so that she could fit in better (sound familiar?). i guess in a way, i am afraid to be who i am; the parts of me that do not exceed ordinary, i hide. to pick a random example- chick flicks, all girls like chick flicks deep down, because its their nature, but if someone didn't want to be like all girls, they would pretend they didn't like them. i dint really have a good closing sentence, so... The End.

the beautiful letdown

there are a number of people that i used to percieve as "perfect", not perfect as in they dont make mistakes, but that they are where i want to be in life- good role models. but in the last few weeks God has been showing me that none of them are good role models. its a slow and painful process, but i know how good it is for me. despite previous letdowns i keep trying to find other people that fit my bill, but i just cant. i geuss God is trying to show me that Jesus is the only perfect role model- wich i knew all allong in the back of my head, but am just now really understanding- but that still doesn't seem to satify my human need to find other people to admire. oh well, ill figure it out one day.

Welcome, Mrs. Burn!

This is my blog. All my secret observations on life, and just everyday teenage existence get jotted down here. I really thought that you would enjoy reading and commenting on my postings, because, well, I don't know why, I just thought you would. Until now, only my parents knew about this place but I thought if anyone would appreciate it, it would be you. Feel free to look back as far as you like, and please comment on anything that piques your interest, I love to get comments (good or bad). I update my blog on average about once a week, so there is almost always a new post. I'm really excited about adding another reader my list. Have fun!

Relational Christianty vs. Philosophical Christianity

everybody always says that I'm so spiritual and stuff, but really I'm not, not in the relational sense of the word i mean. I really enjoy the philosophical side of Christianity, but I'm still struggling to grasp the whole relationship thing. I think that's why no one is really a professional christian, because you can never master a relationship. there are lots of so called "religious scholars", that are very academically accomplished in terms of the Bible, but i dont think anyone can ever really be superior to anyone in the Christian world

"Oh my God" Jars of Clay

Oh my God, look around this place

Your fingers reach around the bone

You set the break and set the tone

Flights of grace, and future falls

In present pain

All fools say, "Oh my God"

.

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?

We make it worse when we don't bleed

There is no cure for our disease

Turn a phrase, and rise again

Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend

Oh my God.

.

Oh my God, can I complain?

You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief

Weddings, boats and alibis

All drift away, and a mother cries

.

Liars and fools; sons and failures

Thieves will always say

Lost and found; ailing wanderers

Healers always say

Whores and angels; men with problems

Leavers always say

Broken hearted; separated

Orphans always say

War creators; racial haters

Preachers always say

Distant fathers; fallen warriors

Givers always say

Pilgrim saints; lonely widows

Users always say

Fearful mothers; watchful doubters

Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive

And these days, mercy cuts so deep

If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep

While I lay, I dream we're better,

Scales were gone and faces light

When we wake, we hate our brother

We still move to hurt each other

Sometimes I can close my eyes,

And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,

What makes me so badly bent?

We all have a chance to murder

We all feel the need for wonder

We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

.

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven

All the times I thought to reach up

All the times I had to give

Babies underneath their beds

Hospitals that cannot treat

all the wounds that money causes,

All the comforts of cathedrals

All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance

All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

.

Oh my God

Oh my God

Oh my God

.

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peuV6-lDJzQ

The Ivory Carving

This is a cool illustration that I found in a book, that I thought some of you might enjoy. I know one of my future readers already knows about it though. The context is this guy and his sister are talking about why she has been cold to her dad after he remarried…

She turned away from the computer and, looking straight at me, said the strangest thing. “Connor, suppose for this Christmas I give you something very beautiful- say, a beautiful ivory carving.”
“I wouldn’t mind,” I said.
“This gift has been made with care and given to you to keep forever. It is intricately and deeply carved. There are no rough edges. All of it is polished, and all of it is pure ivory.”
“What would be wrong with that?”
“Nothing would be wrong with it if it came with instructions and a warning.”
“What instructions?” “That it must be oiled now and then or it will get brittle, and little pieces will break off.”
“And what’s the warning?”
“That ivory is a living organism, so it is bound to change as it ages. Ivory darkens. A day comes when you have to put this beautiful thing away. So not knowing about maintenance and aging, you put it in a drawer and close the drawer. Time goes by, and the gift giver wants to see his gift. So you take it out of the drawer, and both of you are surprised that it isn’t what it was. It doesn’t look the same. Without maintenance, delicate pieces have broken off, and some of the places where the carving was very deep have darkened to the color of a tobacco stain. You haven’t been careless; you have just never been warned about the changes that happen with time, and you haven’t been taught proper maintenance. But you know one thing- you are never going to put this gift on display again.”
Margaret and I looked at each other. “You’re talking about love, aren’t you?”

E. L. Konigsburg
Silent to the Bone

It's raining now...

this is another miscellaneous story that i wrote when it was raining really hard and Lucy was spasing out...

“It’s raining now,” I said to no one in particular. The house had been empty since early this morning, and I was beginning to wish I had someone to talk to. That brought me back to earlier this morning, when I became so hopelessly bored that I started talking to my pencils. Well, I wasn’t exactly talking to them, I was making a sort of skit. The dumber the funnier, I always say, so it was getting pretty hectic by the time I noticed about three people gaping at me. Now, over six hours later, I was missing my devoted, if not slightly amused audience. I was yanked back to the present when an excruciatingly loud clap of thunder, interrupted my reminiscing. I drummed my fingers on my extended knee, while I tried to drift back into retrospect mood once again. This time it was Max, my husky-poodle mix that woke me, when he darted under my chair, nearly knocking me over due to his failure to recognize his larger-than-average body size. It became apparent that trying to reach a state of subconsciousness was virtually impossible at this point, due to the fact that my chair had mysteriously started to vibrate, and a large puddle of drool was slowly accumulating directly under me. I resentfully rendered my throne of three hours to the terror-infested pile of fur that I had previously mistaken as a dog. You see, according to early civilization observation, a dog is supposed to be a loyal and protective friend. Staring down now at my sad excuse of a dog, with his pointy ears and curly hair, his dainty paws and steel-blue eyes now shut tightly to ward away any unwanted natural occurrence, I was reminded, once again of how much I love him. Such a visually odd looking creature had obviously been made just for me.

im not parenting!

RRRRRrrrrrggghhhhh!!! J.N. is often snotty to J.S. and M.S., and as a last resort they usually ask me to tell her to stop. of course she stops immediately. so i assumed that they were silently wanting me to ask her to be quiet sooner. my mistake i geuss. i tried telling her to stop before my help was acquired during one particularly ugly battle, and got to told to stop parenting! i wasnt even saying anything to J.S. or M.S., and they got mad at me for parenting journey! i was trying to save her some pain. she doesnt know that every word you say to macy (even just around her) makes her hate you more. aaahhhggg!

random trivia

44% of the elderly in Kentucky have no teeth

The term Luddite is based on a mythical character named Ned Ludd in George Pellew's The Life of Lord Sidmouth (1847). Ned Ludd was a Leicestershire villager of the late 1700s who, in a fit of insane rage, rushed into a stocking weaver's house and destroyed his equipment. With the onset of the Information Age, Luddite gained a broader sense describing anyone who shuns new technology.

Clans of long ago that wished to rid themselves of people without killing them used to burn the offending parties' houses down. Hence the expression "to get fired".

In 1945, a computer at Harvard malfunctioned. Grace Hopper, who was working on the computer, found a moth in one of the circuits and removed it. Ever since, when something goes wrong with a computer, it is said to have a bug in it.

WORDS!!!

Turophile - a connoisseur of cheese; a cheese fancier.
Troglodyte - 1. a member of a primitive people dwelling in caves. 2. a person resembling a troglodyte (as in reclusive habits or reactionary attitudes).
Triradius - (Physical Anthropol.) a Y-shaped group of ridges on the palm of the hand at the base of each finger.
Tarantism - n. - a dancing mania or malady of late medieval Europe.
Tacit - 1. understood without being openly expressed; implied. 2. silent, saying nothing. 3. unvoiced or unspoken.
Synesis - (Gram) a construction in which an expected grammatical agreement in form is replaced by an agreement in meaning.
Synechia - (Med Pathol.) any adhesion of parts of the body, as of the iris to the cornea.
Sycophant - a servile, self-seeking flatterer; fawning parasite.

the grinch says: stop talking!

The grinch has several defense tactics. anything i say that she doesnt like (which is just about everything), she has discovered easy ways to shut me up. one of her favorites is "stop talking," which translates to "shut up." I can barely even open my mouth before she says "stop talking!"; most of the time im not even talking to her. Another more common one is "your so obnoxious!" and "i really dont like you," which translate to "i hate you." shes adopted new phrases just within the last week- "you think you know everything," and "your so bossy!" it makes her sound like the little sister. i know they are all signs of weakness, but that doesn't make them hurt any less.

desensitized by the grinch

I just now realized how cold it made me to share a room with my older sister. Living in fear of making her mad everyday, has made me mean (to say the least) to my new roomate. Its confuzing to have someone who wants a relationship with you, where before, I was the one forcing the relationship onto my sister. Its going to take a lot to learn how to act normally again, instead of having a safegaurd up all the time. I must say, she is very forgiving, though.

is ROTC unethical?

i kinda want to join ROTC, but i dont like what it stands for. even if i never do anything with my armed forces skills, it would still be supporting a violent association. on the other hand, i would enjoy learning the values and skills they teach during the schoolday. you would probably meet alot of devoted people there too, in stead of in marching band when they're just there to screw around. it would probably be alot less expensive too. its a good thing i dont have that option since ive already signed up and started paying the fees for marching band.

"How He Loves" John Mark Mcmillan

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

advanced understanding

i am reminded, once again, of how differently i think from the other kids around me. when friends at lunch complain about teachers who give them projects and never collect them, to the point that they say they hate the teacher, i struggle to explain to them that they are not working for the sake of the grade, but instead, they are working to learn. the basis on which school is grounded is eduucation, in other words, learning. but do you know how stupid i sound when i tell them that? "who cares if they collect it! its the learning process thats important!" oh yeah, sure...

the auto-dilator

the light switch for my garage is inside my house so when i turn it on, theoretically nothing happens. Its weird, you usually never notice this and people say you cant feel it when it happens, but i swear i can feel my eyes dilate when i flip that switch. it feels like when someone sets off a camera flash in your eyes in a dark room, you can almost feel them expand. its such a strange feeling to have your eyes dilate themselves as a reflex.

the misunderstood stepmom

its hard to see my friend's relationships with their step-parents, because i know so much about the other side. even Keelie, who is silently perceived as perfect by all, has relational issues with her stepmom that make me cringe inside. she lies to her stepmom about her lunch, telling her she likes stuff just to be polite, but then she comes and gripes about it to us when her stepmom gives her more the next day.i know its not a big deal, and i know she thinks she is doing the right thing by staying quiet and being polite, but i know all too well how much it hurts her stepmom. i know how hard my mom tries to establish real relationships with all her kids, and how much it hurts her when someone pulls back. i always wish i could do something when she is having to fight her way into someone's life, but i know that would only make it worse. sometimes i can tell she is close to tears when her voice starts to shake, which had only happened about three times in the past, and i want to hurt the other person so bad! but i cant.

"Fade to Grey" Jars of Clay

And then I see You there
With Your arms open wide and You try to embrace me
These lonely tears I cry
They keep me in chains and I wish they'd release me
Cold is the night but
Colder still is the heart made of stone, turned from clay
And if you follow me
You'll see all the black, all the white fade to grey

Contradictory messages

There are so many contradictory messages going around, it’s hard to know who to believe. Some people say “your nothing, Gods doing you a favor to take you under his wing”, then the very same people it seems turn around and spend hours telling you “you are worth His embrace” and “don’t ever let anyone tell you your not beautiful”. Whos right? Both of them can’t be right, can they? I’m so confused.

WORDS!!!

Wafture - the act of wafting; something wafted.
Wamble - to move unsteadily; (of the stomach) to rumble; growl; an unsteady or rolling movement
Whinge - to complain fretfully; whine.
Vivisection - the action of cutting into or dissecting a living body; the practice of subjecting living animals to cutting operations, esp. in order to advance psychological and pathological knowledge.
Vitrescent - becoming glass; tending to become glass.
Vitreous humor - (Anat) the transparent gelatinous substance filling the eyeball behind the crystalline lens.
Vexillologist - one who studies flags.
Verbicide - the willful distortion or depreciation of the original meaning of a word; a person who willfully distorts the meaning of a word.
Verbigeration - (Pathol) the constant or obsessive repetition of meaningless words or phrases.

relational enlightenment

i just realized that i want a relationship with Jesus Christ. i never really thought about it, but all my life people have been telling me i wanted to know Jesus, and i have been believing them. its like a megga-comercial. its almost like something Mr Wheeler was talking about... he said some commercials are all showy and munipulative because they think they have to be, but ipod commercials never really have to say much, because you already know how great they are. if enough of the right people tell you you want it, you just might start beleiving them.

i saw the Passion the other day, and my favorite part was the first flashback (the one where Mary was calling him for lunch). i started thinking, "hey, i wish i had a friend like that... ", and then i was like "oh... i get it know"

Save the Worms!

The other day, when I asked my grandmother if she wanted the eggshells to go in the compost pile, she gave me a long drawn out response about how "the eggshells are too hard on the worms' digestive systems...". I can see the logic behind that, but it sure is weird to think of someone being so considerate of worms.

More Cool Words

circean — referring to beauty of a dangerous kind
mammon — material wealth having a debasing influence
necrology — list of the recently dead
salience — pronounced feature
sallet — light helmet with a brim flaring in the back
surplice — loose-fitting priestly garment with wide sleeves
syrinx — vocal organ of a bird
tabard — short, heavy cape or tunic (worn over armor)
tenebrous — shut out from the light, obscure
teredines — tiny worms that ruin ships and wharfs
umbra — darkest part of a shadow
vapid — lacking spirit
xiphoid — shaped like a sword
zygodactyl — having two toes pointing backward, two forward

where are the gentlemen?

in this time of relational crisis, we should not put up with what little the world has to offer. we should not tolerate the disrespectful, unkempt men that seem to dominate this world. In contrary, we should shout out at humanity, "where are the gentlemen, and what have you done with them?" there are real men out there; true, they are not the chick-flick ideals, but what i have seen so far of the male race would put them to shame. my parents expect me to date only nice, charming, young lads, but as far as i know, they don't exist. now is the time for a male revolution. this is an all-call for reality... BRING OUT THE GENTLEMEN!
(please?)

thoughts on life

you cant think about life too hard, you might get depressed. it seems like it drags on and on. there is always something to be done, always something to fix, always stuff to turn in. school is never right. there are dozens of books out there on improving your life, and what to live life for and all that junk, but nowhere is there resources for school life. almost my whole day is consumed by school. if I'm not actually at school, then I'm working on homework, if I'm not on homework then I'm fretting about getting projects turned in. i know what i want to do with my life- I've got it all planned out. but right now school is my life- so what do i do? people end their lives all the time, but no one can end their school. school is the most diverse part of my life right now. i have to perfect the balance of what to get involved in and what not to get involved in. everyday i learn a new step to the dance through trial and error. there is always more to do, no one is free. why would anyone want to teach middle school? people say they like the age group, but i could give a hundred accounts of how much the age group doesn't like them. when the halls are packed, you can smell the hate and despair in the air. the lockers have acid dripping from them, from all the dirtiness that gets dumped in there every day. everyone always looks sad or tired, and the ones who dont are even worse. some of them have actually gotten used to the daily grind, and have grown to expect it. its hard to have to hear the peoples conversations whose life is so pain filled that they have to dump all the junk on innocent bystanders. even the kids who look like they have it together are seen spreading hate messages across the lunchroom. they look so perfect next to the "bad" kids, but are they really? people are drowning, and you reach out to help them, but all they know to do is pull you under.

Psalms 77:1

I yell out to God, I yell with all my might, I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens.
Psalms 77:1

where do i fit?

i know who i want to be, but all the people who fit my image turn out awful. i find people that i want to be like or with so bad, but they dont even know im there. so i follow them around, and try to be their friend, and i thought they didnt notice. yesterday, i was talking with one about new kids. i was saying how fun it is to have new kids at school, because you can make them be your friends (as a joke), and she pipes up and says, "haha, like you did to me!". so i was like, uh-oh, but i just smiled and said "that doesnt count, you arent new!". oh, its so hard to find the right crowd. the good little Christian girls arent crazy enough, and dont talk about stuff i want to talk about, and the crazy, colorful people all seem "bad". it was so much easier in kindergarten when no one needed to have anything in common to be friends. sigh.

teenage catastrophe

being a teenager is hard. its the time when your just beginning to think about stuff- while not thinking at all. you think about all the wrong stuff. the miniscule details are ever important, but we fail to get the big picture. i absolutely must have the perfect clothes, but why would somebody be mad if i slapped them for no reason? every move is overcomprehended, making everyone appear to be your enemy. teenagers belong in an asylum, not on our roads.

my awesome life

people think im funny. they like my photography. my school praises originality. i am growing in God. i am mature. i love to read and write. people love me. i am creative. my parent's parental strategies are close to perfect. i can get along with my brother. i have a baby cousin. people look up to me. i can still act like a kid. i have good grades. people like me. i am starting to have intelligent thoughts. i have not gone emo yet. i get wiser everyday. i made it through middle school. i am still me.

my horrid life

my dad is sick. my stepsister is being acting adolescent. money is tight. my friends are changing (or just me). i tease people too much. i am overly judgemental. i have a lusting problem. im cant tell who my friends are. im told im overly asscertive. i have Androphobia. i keep dreaming i am Josef Mengele. i cant find jeans that fit. people look at me weird.

Cool Words

sururrous- full of whispering sounds
cerulean- deep blue; sky blue; azure
bumbershoot- umbrella
basiate- to kiss
bandersnatch- an imaginary wild animal of fierce disposition; a person of uncouth or unconventional habits, attitudes, etc.
omphaloskepsis- the act contemplating one's navel (stare'n at yer bellybutton)
philotheoparoptesism- the practice of "roasting over a slow fire" those who have suffered the church's displeasure
peripatetic- of relating to or given to walking
nosocominal- originating in a hospital
moot- open to question; debatable
Kilroy- a fictitious American male, created by American troops who left the inscription "Kilroy was here" on walls, property, etc., all over the world in the years during and after World War 2
Jesse- a male given name, from the Hebrew word meaning "God Exists"
Hobson's choice- an apparently free choice when there is no real alternative

Reconstruction

this blog is under reconstruction. it was awful before, and it will probably be awful in the future, just to a less severe degree.